Whenever something bad has happened or may be about to happen, we have a few choices. These depend on how much we care, how invested we are in the outcome. My dad used to say things like, “If you really care that damn much about it, then why don’t you do something? Don’t just complain, either act or decide it’s not important enough and use your time to do something else.” In other words, in my dad’s book, one’s choices are clear. If you truly care, then do something. If not, don’t pretend to care or waste your time whining. Find places to put your energy where you might make a difference.
Over the years, it’s become clear to me that each of us can only care about so much, therefore we must care wisely. Sometimes there isn’t much we can do. It’s certainly painful and frustrating when a family member or a friend dies, and we can’t do anything to prevent it. Sometimes someone we care about makes a tragic mistake, despite our help and good advice. Maybe in the future some of us will get to watch the world burn because not enough people understand climate change. “You can do your best and sometimes it’s still not enough.” This has been a hard lesson for me, and I suppose a lot of other people. I take some comfort in knowing I’m not alone. We all have limits. We all discover sooner or later we can do everything “right,” play by the rules, give it our best shot, and still lose. Yet, we forge ahead. To go back is to give up.
“Do not go gentle into that good night,” Dylan Thomas wrote. When we care enough to act, sometimes we can motivate others to stand up for themselves as well. And sometimes we don’t have the option of doing nothing. We can’t just sit around making excuses. At those times we need to take risks and be more willing to do whatever we can. That’s all anyone can ask of us. To do what we can. Write, march, vote, do our jobs well, act with integrity. Yet, even as we acknowledge failure is always an option, when we really care, we know inaction is not.
So, life is about deciding what you care about and acting towards making it better: forming good relationships, writing poetry, playing trumpet, learning a second language, becoming a good teacher, lawyer, doctor, engineer, husband, wife, or friend. There is no limit to worthwhile things to care about. Wallowing in self-pity over past failures isn’t helpful. The only reason to care about the past is to learn from it. Our failures and mistakes are only important if they can help us find better things to care about. I had an acquaintance who pointed out that getting stuck in the past is a choice, just as doing something to change the future is a choice. Doing nothing is also a choice. Greta Thunberg has decided she truly cares about climate change and is acting to help change the future. I believe she understands she may fail, but she uses that knowledge to help motivate her to continue. Win or lose, she will be able to hold her head high because she will have done her best. That’s all any of us can do.
Sometimes I think about all the problems in the world and get depressed. I understand way too much. I can connect the dots, but I lack the ability (or position) to fix things. Where does one start? I’m only one person, one voice, one little old former professor from a small midwestern university. What can I do? Well, first I can stop this line of questioning, pick a few things to care about, and work on them. To do less would be to allow things to remain as they are, unchanged by me, not because I failed, but because I didn’t even try.
MurrayWorks 