Pride

“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” – C.S. Lewis

We’ve been told to be proud of many things – our heritage, our community, our country, our children, and ourselves. Yet, we’ve also been told “pride” is a deadly sin, one that can lead to all the other deadly sins if left unchecked. We know it’s possible to become proud of our humility, a virtue that is supposed to be the opposite of pride.

There is Black Pride, White Pride, Gay Pride, Straight Pride, and pride for just about any ethnic group we can imagine. Some say we should be proud of what our culture has achieved, as if we ourselves have achieved it – which seems to me very pretentious. And pride in a nation can lead to such things as believing in a “Thousand-year Reich.” This kind of pride can kill anyone who doesn’t fit that vision.

Some might say, “Hold on. We shouldn’t be ashamed of who we are, should we?” If it’s true we shouldn’t take credit for the achievements of long ago, we probably shouldn’t take the blame either. Yet, if certain facts about our history make us feel embarrassed, maybe that’s a good thing. To move on, we need to acknowledge that improvement is not only possible but necessary. Taking at least some responsibility can be a good starting point.

It seems to me we can accept past successes and failures as facts of our existence and remain humble about them. The larger fact is that no one can change history. We can only pick up where our predecessors left off. And we can stop looking for reasons to feel pride or shame and find ways to make things better.

Is it wrong to feel pride in who you are? In a sense, no. If by “pride” we mean that people should feel it’s alright to be who they are. In this sense, pride means affirmation – so, pride parades, for example, can be a sign of acceptance and support.

Other than affirmation, pride doesn’t make much sense. I’m not talking about White Pride, as if a white numerical majority and therefore voting supremacy ought to be a source of pride. It’s not. The dominance of one group over others is not a thing to be celebrated but questioned.

I’m referring to the notion that pride in our group, or in ourselves, for no other reason than that we belong to that group, is meaningless. It’s a kind of childish belief. One might as well say, “I’m one of the cool kids and you’re not.” This is one reason pride is so insidious. It’s too easy to turn away from, “It’s OK to be who I am,” towards denigrating others for not being like you. Pride looks for reasons to look down on others, to find fault with them, to be glad we are not them. Humility looks for the good in others and searches for reasons to accept and respect those who are not like us.

Pride can also promote a sense of entitlement, if not supremacy. Even “taking pride in ourselves,” can lead us to a false sense of being better than others. Many well-meaning parents say things like, “Take a little pride in yourself, son!” But it can be easy for some to get the idea that if others can’t accomplish as much or are not as good it’s because “they don’t take enough pride in themselves.”

Pride makes a lot more sense if it is justifiable pride in a personal accomplishment, such as passing a test, winning a race, playing a recital, or earning a degree or a promotion. A little pride on such occasions can be a good thing, a moment of reward for a job well done. Note: It’s a little moment of justifiable pride, not an overall sense of superiority, not a reason to declare oneself a winner and others “losers.” And it’s certainly not a reason to start thinking the rules don’t apply to us. A lot of the powerful men who take advantage of women believe their wealth and prestige justify taking whatever they want whenever they want it. Their pride can take them down the road to lust, greed, excess, indolence, and in the end, rage, and a desire to take revenge when others find the courage to say “no.”

In the end, pride is a choice. We can choose to take pride in our tribes, for an inheritance we did not create. We can choose to take pride in our identity, regardless of how our pride might cause us to treat others. Or perhaps we can choose to take pride in some of the things we accomplish and remain humble about everything else.