Gratitude

An intern once asked a CEO, “How did you learn to make such good decisions?”

“Experience,” the CEO answered.

“But how did you get experience?”

“Bad decisions.”

Our decisions make us who we are, for better or worse. Even so, a lot of life is beyond our control. It seems to me, no matter what we do, either luck or providence must play a part. And sometimes, what happens to us is a gift. We need to be thankful for all the things that have brought us to where we are.

I’m thankful for the time our brass quartet survived being rear-ended by a car going twice as fast as we were. I might not be here today if this incident had gone differently. I’m thankful for my high school group of friends – we called ourselves “the magnificent seven.” Studies say the people we associate with in high school have a lot to do with how we end up. The wrong friends can help one go to jail. The right friends can encourage another to pursue a career without even saying so. I’m fortunate my friends were the later kind.

I’m thankful for a wonderful experience in high school band, with a band director who cared, and friends who loved to make music together. I’m thankful that experience continued through college, with Wind Symphony, Jazz Ensemble, and Orchestra conductors who helped me become a more well-rounded musician. I’m thankful for my college trumpet teacher, John Henes, who led me to study with Louis Davidson at IU. I’m thankful for all the teachers and mentors who transformed my life.

I’m thankful for generous parents, who saw to it that I had what I needed to pursue a career in music teaching. I’m sorry about the Chrysler Town and Country wagon that was totaled on a Sunday morning. I’m thankful my dad said, “Cars can be replaced. You can’t.” I’m thankful to have grown up in a small town in a beautiful part of the country among people who knew who I was. I wish everyone could have that kind of childhood. Sadly, too many don’t.

I’m thankful to have met the love of my life in graduate school. Apparently, Louis Davidson wasn’t the only reason I was supposed to be there. I’m thankful for 41 years of marriage, two fantastic kids, and a mortgage that’s paid off. I’m thankful for every time Michele and I perform together.

I’m thankful for that time in graduate school when I fell apart during an audition for a brass concerto competition. I learned how to do better the next time, and all the times after that. If I had not failed that day, I probably would not have been awarded a performer’s certificate a year later. I’m thankful for all the support and encouragement of my friends and teachers along the way.

I’m thankful for the opportunity to teach for 38 years. I’m thankful Jerry Coker recommended me for my first job. I’m thankful my friend and colleague, Jim Rouintree, had faith in me and played a large part in my teaching for many of those years. I’m thankful for all the musicians I’ve worked with, and even most of the conductors. I’m thankful that making music has touched the hearts and lives of so many.

I’m thankful that my mistakes have not led to catastrophe. I don’t know how or why some things have worked out the way they did. I’m simply grateful they did. At the same time, I keep in mind all those who have not had things work out the way they hoped or expected. On another timeline, there may be a Mark Murray who died in that car accident, one who didn’t find good friends or mentors, or one who didn’t marry an exceptional woman like Michele.

I’ve joked that the superpower I’d like most is good luck. Well, maybe I do have that superpower, but I wouldn’t say so. I wouldn’t want to push my luck. Being born in a certain time and place, to loving parents, and being connected with certain people – all clearly had something to do with how my life has turned out. My decisions have also played a role. But perhaps divine providence has played the larger part. I don’t know why I’ve been “blessed” while others have not. Maybe all I can do is be grateful for the many gifts I’ve received. If experience has taught me anything, as much as I want to believe I am in control of my life, I know I am not, at least not always. I am thankful many of my bad decisions have made me a better person and I pray that I will continue to learn from my mistakes.