My 2022 birthday thoughts in less than 1000 words.
It seems to me “the best years of my life” were not in high school but were when our kids were little. I admit I often didn’t think so then. When we’re starting out, we don’t tend to think in terms of future nostalgia. We just hope to make it to the next milestone. I made plenty of mistakes in those years, and if I had a time machine, I would tell my younger self to savor each moment, ease up on my kids a little, and place the wellbeing of my family above my job more often. I’ve also learned that it’s impossible to have things your way all the time, despite what the old Burger King ads said.
We’re all torn – whipsawed between what our career requires and what our relationships need. A friend of mine once pointed out that women want husbands who are “there” for them. I replied that women also want good providers, which means their men can’t always be there for them. Carnegie and Vanderbilt came to mind. No doubt they prioritized making a fortune over being there on more occasions than they could count. And although their families may have resented their absences, they also benefited from the many advantages great wealth provided. I offer no solutions here. I’m just pointing out the problem. The man who is “always there” is more likely to be broke than the man who works 80-100 hours a week. Yet, some men manage to find a balance. These men have my admiration.
My Dad traveled a lot when we were little. At an early age, I got used to waving goodbye at the airport on a regular basis. Years later, I came to understand that Dad needed to travel to advance his career and provide us with opportunities he and his siblings did not have. After he was promoted to the home office, he had time to work on projects with me. I learned a lot about carpentry, design, and being a home handyman, skills that have saved me thousands, helpful because a professor’s salary at a small college didn’t make it easy to hire somebody else to do the work. Dad may not have been there when I was little, but he was usually there when he needed to be. I hope my children understand that I tried to do the same.
I have been disheartened this year. Not so much because of the pandemic or the political climate, but because I have learned too much about my fellow citizens and some who I thought were my friends. Far too many have said that “nothing could change their mind” about this or that issue. Most of these represent the extremes, to be sure, however their number gives me cause for concern. If nothing can change a person’s mind about the efficacy of masks and vaccines, the reality of climate change, the shape of the Earth, the validity of the 2020 election, or the need to teach history in our schools, where does this leave us? Some commentators have said a substantial number of Americans are becoming “ungovernable.” If this is true, Jesus himself might not be able to lead them, much less a Republican or a Democrat.
I was taught to respect reason and evidence, to value discretion as well as honesty, to seek fairness, and in short, never to criticize anything unless I could offer a workable solution to the problem. Until the advent of the internet, we were generally able to handle dogmatists and mean-spirited people without resorting to a pitched battle over every offhand remark or perceived offense. The alt-right and the ctrl-left have one thing in common: It’s their way or the highway. Each feeds the beast that is the other, leaving the rest of us to be crushed somewhere in the middle. On the playground, we all should have learned to play by the rules, to take turns, and to compromise. These simple childhood lessons have been forgotten by many in my generation – and sadly many of them are in Congress. To this I say, “get your act together, boomers.” We need to set a better example before we shuffle off this mortal coil.
I am heartened whenever I learn that someone in the next generation is trying to find a better way. Clearly, we cannot continue to deplete our planet’s resources, pollute our environment, ignore economic inequities, crumbling infrastructure, and climate change, or tolerate rampant political infighting and lack of participation in the process. The way forward may be for my generation to die off while younger people make a commitment to learn from our mistakes. I once dreamt of a departed colleague who told me, “Don’t let those around you who lack commitment deter you from your own.” Good advice – from the living or the dead.
Humanity has always faced challenges. Some thought the world would end in the year 2000 – and 1000 years before that. People have disrespected and insulted every president, prime minister, king, and queen. Every so often we have a plague, famine, or an economic crisis. Our history is punctuated by wars. We must deal with hurricanes, tornadoes, blizzards, earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions, failures of man-made structures, melting glaciers, and possibly asteroid strikes. There is nothing new in this regard. The difference is that today a great number of people think they already know all the answers and therefore believe that no one, no matter how well-informed, has any right to tell them what to do. Nevertheless, if we can recover a spirit of humility, we might have a chance to make it through this century. As our Quaker brothers and sisters say, we must “seek more light” rather than hold on to the delusion that we know more than everyone else.
MurrayWorks 