Because this is the 90th post in the series, I want to take a few minutes to think about why I’m doing this. I’ve written elsewhere about some of my motivations, but it seems to me some might think I’m just being pretentious or trying to be something I’m not.
I’ve never claimed to be perfect, or even a good example for others. I’m just as flawed as anyone else and many are much more qualified than I am to reveal life’s secrets. All I can offer is a little personal perspective about what might work and what might not. If I may generalize Einstein’s remark about math, “Do not worry too much about your difficulties…” We all have difficulties. For most of my life I’ve battled with social anxiety, depression, stage fright, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and even a touch of sociopathy. Yet, I’ve tried to be a good person, even when my efforts didn’t feel good or when it would have been easier to give up.
None of this makes me a great beacon, or even much of a candle, in a world troubled by darkness. Nevertheless, every little bit helps, I’ve been told, and even a flickering candle might guide a few people from time-to-time. So, I try to remain optimistic, and offer a little light.
I started writing my thoughts and recollections as a form of self-therapy. “On the Shoulders of My Teachers” was the result of writing about my gratitude for all the help I’ve received rather than allowing myself to get stuck in depression or self-pity. Writing can be extremely helpful for those of us who have experienced pain, loss, betrayal, anger, conflict, or any of the difficulties I mentioned earlier. A reputable therapist suggested that writing would be a good way for me to clarify my emotions and express what was really on my mind – even if what I wrote would never be seen by anyone else. Unsent letters to those who have hurt us can still help us process our feelings. Essays, journal entries, diaries, poems, stories, and blog posts can all be forms of self-help. And I’d argue that sharing our writing might help others as well.
I write because as I age, I find writing helps keep my mind active. Writing helps me question myself and put my thoughts in order. Even writing a list can help. Once upon a time, I asked my critical thinking classes to write a short list of their “principles for living.” I asked them to consider what 3-4 concepts or ideals most influenced their thoughts and actions towards others. Very few had ever been asked to do this before. Some mentioned that the exercise helped them set priorities or at least realize they had principles, even if they had not previously expressed them. It seems to me the premise of “do unto others” is that we must first discover what we truly want others to do unto us.
I’ve read too many teacher-course evaluations to maintain any delusions about everyone taking my words in the spirit I intended. Some will, some won’t. As a professor, I tried to make sure all students participated in class discussions. At the end of the semester, some of the class said, “I like the way Dr. Murray tried to include all students in class discussions.” An equal number said, “I don’t like the way Dr. Murray put students on the spot.” As in the parable of the sower, I realize no matter how well-chosen our words might be, some people will be offended or will find fault. Others might be willing to consider our words, but in the end, they will not change. Some might find our words meaningful enough to take positive action. And a precious few might one day look back and realize our words changed their lives. All of us who write can only do our best and hope to plant a few seeds.
MurrayWorks 