(Overheard at the regular centenary meeting of the gods.)
In attendance:
Adonai – God of humans
Cephalos – God of octopuses
Cetaceus – God of dolphins
Ornithos – God of birds
Pachydus – God of elephants
Adonai: I hereby call this meeting to order. I know each of you have concerns. Who would like to begin?
Cephalos: Allow me to get straight to the point. It looks like the era of humans may be coming to an end. I think it’s time for my people to be permitted to evolve into the next dominant lifeform on the Earth.
Cetaceus: Hold on! What gives you the right to be next in line?
Cephalos: Look, your people don’t even have thumbs. At least my people have eight flexible limbs. Can Cetaceans even open a jar? From the inside?
Cetaceus: Well…no. But they have echo-location abilities and strong family ties.
Cephalos: My people have been held back for millions of years. Seems to me humans have had their chance – and they’ve made quite a mess of things. It’s clearly our turn.
Ornithos: Wait a minute. Haven’t you noticed how crows can solve puzzles and plan ahead? And can cephalopods fly? I don’t think so.
Cetaceus: My people can fly through the sea!
Ornithos: So can penguins!
Cephalos: Yes, but penguins aren’t too swift otherwise.
Ornithos: We can’t all be swifts. Just give crows a chance to evolve and they’ll show you what they can do.
Pachydus: Perhaps it’s time to address the elephant in the room. If my people hadn’t been oppressed for so long, perhaps they would have developed their own culture by now.
Cephalos: What culture? A few paintings and a better than average memory do not add up to a culture.
Pachydus: And changing colors and punching the occasional fish somehow does?
Adonai: Friends. Let’s not argue. Besides, aren’t we getting ahead of ourselves? Humans are not out of the picture yet.
Cephalos: All I’m saying is that we need to make plans. Humans might Dr. Strangelove themselves to extinction before long.
Cetaceus: And the Earth is likely to lose most of its land-dwellers in the process. So, other than sharks or reptiles, my people might be the best bet.
Cephalos: What about my people?
Cetaceus: Very well. I’ll keep an open mind.
Pachydus: It’s not a forgone conclusion that land animals won’t make it after humans commit mass suicide. My people are adaptable to hot, humid climates, and they also have strong family ties.
Ornithos: Most of my people can fly wherever they need to go. And after a few million years, they will likely be intelligent enough to take over. It seems to me they’ve been held back for too long.
Cetaceus: It seems to me humans have been given over 20,000 years to prove themselves. Maybe that’s long enough.
Cephalos: The question is, Adonai, who will be next to be granted the privilege?
Pachydus: I move that we take a vote.
Adonai: A vote? You must be joking. Maybe you’ve forgotten who I am.
Pachydus: No. I haven’t forgotten. Nor have I forgotten that you decided to promote a branch of the hominid family to wreak habitat havoc on all other lifeforms on Earth.
Cephalos: And they say I can throw a punch!
Ornithos: I’m sure Pachydus means well. I was just wondering. Will my people ever evolve enough to have pet dogs?
Adonai: My people made pet dogs possible.
Pachydus: That’s right. Maybe humans are not all bad.
Cetaceus: Considering their relationships with dogs, I move that we give humans another 100 years to get their act together, and…
Cephalos: And?
Cetaceus: And…that my people shall be next in line.
Ornithos: Gentle guardians. Let’s amend that motion to read, “and that each of our peoples shall be duly considered when the time comes.”
Adonai: Fair enough. Any species that can be friends with dogs deserves another chance.
Pachydus: Some of my people are friends with dogs.
Ornithos: Don’t push it, Pachy.
Cetaceus: Very well. All in favor of giving humans another 100 years before we decide, say, “Aye!”
All: Aye!
Adonai: The “Ayes” have it. We shall reconsider this topic at our next meeting. On to other business. But first, what do you think I should do about the Epstein files?
MurrayWorks 