Our daughter brought Sasha into our lives. The guys who originally owned her realized they didn’t have time to raise a puppy, so our daughter agreed to take her. But she was off to college, which meant that we would be raising her until summer. Sasha had the soft fur of a Golden Retriever with Rottweiler coloring. She was fearful at first, especially of men. When I met her, I laid face down on the floor and waited for her to come to me. I became the first man she trusted. For a few months, Sasha would hide behind my legs whenever a new person came to the house. Gradually, she grew accustomed to my son’s kitchen table gaming group. Over the course of a year, she turned into a very good dog.
Sasha learned to come and sit, although staying was hit-and-miss, because she wanted to be near us. She was the only dog we ever had that would get into the tub when we said, “bath time.” She loved to cuddle. I taught her to wrestle with me, and she would play hard – until I said, “OK, nice dog.” Then she would simply stop, and I would pet her gently as a reward. Sasha also learned to run alongside my bike. And she would take my cues – “goin’ left, goin’ right, goin’ straight.” I was amazed how fast she learned. She was also my “firehouse dog,” running tirelessly and setting the pace.
Some say, “there are no bad dogs, just bad dog owners.” Generally, I believe this is true. However, there are a few dogs, and a few people, who don’t or won’t respond to good training. Sometimes dogs attack, and sometimes people kill.
It seems to me we are all influenced by our environment, the “climate” of words and actions around us. I have written about my upbringing in a small town, surrounded by people who knew me and expected me to be good. My teachers, friends, and neighbors generally seemed to have my best interests at heart. I was fortunate to fall in with a group of guys who were not involved in alcohol, drugs, or daredevil-type activities. My mom called us, “the magnificent seven plus one.” My girlfriend was a kind and generous influence. Even in grad school, my jazz band director referred to me as a “nice boy.”
One of my core memories is the assassination of President Kennedy. We were asked to have a moment of silence after the announcement that he had been shot. I was 8. It was the moment I realized that if someone was determined enough they could kill the president. For many years I didn’t think school shootings would become common in my lifetime, but here we are. Kids are killing kids in schools. Adults are killing people in churches and synagogues. Unfortunately, some have been led to believe there is no outlet for their anger and frustration other than firing bullets at people they don’t like or just don’t agree with.
Maybe some shooters are just bad people and no amount of improvement in their backgrounds would have helped them be good. It’s likely that they have been harmed by a toxic environment. Imagine if Sasha was raised in an atmosphere of shouting, hitting, and other abuse. It wouldn’t be surprising if she lashed out at people.
Dogs become what we choose. So do people – by our lack of better choices. Dogs live in controlled environments while people live in a chaotic world. People must deal with TV, radio, social media, peers, podcasters, influencers, commentators, and politicians. We call these kinds of influences stochastic. They have unpredictable effects. Some otherwise good children grow to become sociopaths, gang members, murderers, or terrorists. Most of us have enough good in our lives to outweigh the bad. But we all bear the scars of the negativity around us. We all tend to remember criticism more than complements. I’m glad dogs tend to remember praise and kindness.
For decades we have been throwing people into a cesspool of bullshit* and expecting them to climb out clean and clear-headed. Political parties count on misdirection and propaganda to secure their base. Media companies make billions triggering outrage and peddling half-truths. Yet we expect people to remain calm, exercise critical thinking skills, and behave rationally.
People who can’t keep their heads above the surface of the cesspool end up doing horrific things. Random acts of violence and suicides are not unusual. Just as dogs have a limit to the abuse they can take, people can’t take constant mental abuse. We shouldn’t be surprised if someone snaps occasionally. Although not all violence is political, politics represents a large chunk of what’s in the cesspool. Another large chunk is bad leaders.
If we want good dogs and good people, we must have good dog owners and good leaders. Good dog owners set the right conditions for their dogs to be good. Good leaders do the same for people. And they are strong enough not to feel threatened by people who disagree with them or make jokes about them. Bad leaders are a danger to everyone. Even Sasha knew that.
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*I use this word to mean any statement that disregards truth and is intended only to achieve a desired result for the person or faction making it.
For more thoughts on living with dogs, please read, 30 Years with Dogs
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