The Peace Pipe

“This will give you peace of mind,” the ad said. “What is peace of mind, anyhow,” Mort wondered. Every automobile and appliance Mort had purchased ended up disappointing him, even the expensive ones. To Mort, the saying, “you get what you pay for,” usually meant that paying more only bought more headaches, more hassle, more time and money wasted. He was taught, as most of us are, that success comes with creature comforts, if not luxury. But Mort found luxury didn’t give him peace.

Mort made a good salary, so money wasn’t a problem. But where was his peace of mind? If he wasn’t at peace with himself, how could he be at peace with others? Is peace just an absence of conflict or a sense of contentment? “Cows are content,” Mort thought, “until they get to the slaughterhouse. And I can keep people at arm’s length as much as I want, but that doesn’t mean I have a peaceful relationship with them.” Mort also realized there probably wasn’t a darn thing he could do about world peace other than make a wish. As his grandad told him, “if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.”

One day Mort saw another ad, “Are you tired of feeling restless? Do you experience mental stress? Are you anxious most of the time? Do you feel inner peace is impossible? Try the “Peace Pipe.” Come to one of our convenient locations and receive a free trial. Call 1-800-PCE-PIPE to book an appointment.”

“Why not?” Mort sighed. “I’ve tried everything else.”

The Peace Pipe was a giant white cylinder that looked like a much more spacious MRI machine. The technician assured Mort that it would be painless like an MRI, and virtually noiseless, unlike an MRI. And if he was pleased with the results, he could sign up for monthly sessions at a reasonable cost – not covered by insurance. “Why not give it a try?”

Mort was escorted to a platform that would be suspended at the center of the Peace Pipe. He was told to lie down and make himself comfortable. Music would play for 30 minutes during the treatment. Mort was told he wouldn’t feel more than a slight tingling sensation in his head and spine. The only visual cue would be soothing lights that gently ran through the spectrum.

After the treatment, Mort told the technician he felt a combination of inner peace and a renewed sense of purpose, a feeling he hadn’t felt since his college days. “It’s hard to describe. I feel calm and energized at the same time.”

“That’s good,” replied the technician. “The Peace Pipe uses a combination of electromagnetic waves from the pipe and sound waves in the music to reset the nervous system. If you feel at peace as well as ready to make peace with the rest of the world, that means the treatment worked. May I sign you up for monthly sessions?”

“How much per month?” Mort inquired.

“Only $2999 per month. We accept Visa and Mastercard.”

“Oh…my…may I think about it?”

“Certainly. You have a 30-day trial period. If you decide to come in for another session, we can begin your program then.”

“Same time next month?”

“Exactly.”

Mort went home feeling that he had found inner peace again. He kissed his wife. He called his parents. He called his brother. He made plans to have dinner with the guys. His wife noticed the change immediately. “There’s something different about you, Mort. You look like a big weight was lifted off your shoulders.” Mort smiled and hoped the Peace Pipe treatment would hold for a month. If it did, he was certain he would sign up for a year.

At last, the day came, and Mort went to the Peace Pipe Treatment Center. It was closed. A sign on the door read, “Closed until further notice. Call 1-800-PCE-PIPE for more information.”

When Mort called, an automated message said, “The Peace Pipe Project has been closed indefinitely. This matter is in litigation. Federal regulations prohibit further operation of our facilities. We apologize for any inconvenience.”

“Disappointed again,” Mort sighed. He later learned that the PPP wasn’t likely to reopen because several people had to be hospitalized or committed to mental health facilities. Repeated treatments were found to be unsafe.

“At least I dodged a bullet,” Mort told his wife.

“I’d say you did a lot more than that, Mort. You showed me what peace looks like, how peace acts. Last month was one of the best months we’ve ever had together. Think back on how you talked, how you acted, and how you made other people feel. If that’s not peace, I don’t know what it is. Maybe your Peace Pipe session was partly symbolic, like smoking a traditional peace pipe. You made a commitment to peace when you went through with it.”

“So, I really don’t need some kind of high-tech treatment? I just need to act like peace is possible, work on it, and trust the process?”

“I think so. Peace is more about what we do than what we can get.”