What is Love?

Paul was getting married. He was engaged to Mary, who was obviously able to put up with Paul’s quirks and antics – at least according to Jim, Paul’s best friend. Paul invited Jim to the wedding to support him on his joyous day. Jim had never attended a Quaker wedding, much less a Quaker service, so he wasn’t sure what to expect.

Immediately it became clear to Jim that Mary’s friends and family vastly outnumbered Paul’s friends and family. Had this been a battle, the groom’s side would have lost ignominiously. When the time came for people in the congregation to offer words of encouragement to the couple, Jim saw person after person stand up for Mary. He began to feel sorry for Paul, because only one or two on his side rose to speak.

Jim decided to stand up and say a few words. He remarked that he had known Paul a long time and that Paul had done a lot for him. He had just met Mary, but he said he was certain she was a good match for his old friend. Then, he had this to say about love:

“You know, a lot of people think love is a feeling. I’d say it’s nice to see Paul and Mary so in love, as some say. It’s obvious they love each other very much and I hope they always will. But I know Paul. His idea of love is doing things for people, being there when he’s needed, keeping his word, and just being an all-around good person. I believe Mary is a lot like Paul, except better-looking. It seems to me she expresses love the same way he does. To them, LOVE is a verb, not a noun, it’s an action, not a mere feeling. I believe as long as Paul and Mary love each other in this way their marriage will last. I hope and pray they will continue to love each other as they do today.”

Jim sat down. He didn’t think he had said anything unusual or profound, just a few words to encourage Paul and let him know he was not outnumbered.

At the reception, one of Mary’s guests approached Jim and said, “I liked what you had to say. Are you a Friend?”

Jim replied, “Well…I am one of Paul’s friends,” not quite understanding the question.

Noticing Jim’s puzzled expression, the man clarified, “I mean, are you a Quaker? Your words sounded like those of a Friend.”

“No, I’m not a Friend in that sense. But thanks for saying that.” Jim smiled.

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People often say they love God, love their country, love others, and so on. Yet, what are we willing to do for love? “If you love me, you will keep my commandments,” the Master said. [John 14:15] It seems to me we should show we love God, our country, and our neighbors by what we do. Here is a short list of ideas.

If we love God, we should be willing to:

Love our neighbors as ourselves

Love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us

Offer hospitality to strangers

Provide aid to the old, the sick, and the poor

Take care of the least among us

Foster peace on Earth, and goodwill to all

If we love our country, we should be willing to:

Promote liberty and justice for all

Pay our fair share of taxes

Obey all just laws

Work hard – for fair wages and benefits

Uphold the Constitution

Learn to read and write. Learn history, math, and science.

If we love our neighbors, we should be willing to:

Treat them with respect

Offer them a helping hand

Reject appeals to distrust, fear, hatred, or violence

Practice civility and courtesy

Foster tolerance, acceptance, and forgiveness

Reject claims of superiority and inferiority

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We all want a better world. We all want good things for our friends, families, and communities. If we truly Love one another as Jim suggested, we will move the world towards the good. Hope, Peace, and Joy depend on Love to bring them to life. Thus ends my Advent Tetralogy. Have a happy Christmas season!