from: Bloodstone43956@i-mail.irs
to: Raventrap39996@i-mail.irs
date: 7518.09606
My Dear Raventrap ~
Your story of success in re-defining words to destroy old friendships made me smile. It brought back a lot of memories of my days as a young tempter. You must tell me more juicy details in your next I-mail.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about positive vs. negative statements. You might think our side wants to tempt humans with the negative while Our Competitor prefers encouragement with the positive, but as the song goes, “it ain’t necessarily so.” I’m certain you recall “The X Commandments” of Our Executive:
The X Commandments
- Thou shalt trust only thyself.
- Thou shalt serve any master other than Our Competitor.
- Thou shalt misuse the name of and misrepresent the intentions of Our Competitor.
- Remember to seize the day every day ~ holy days do not exist.
- Honor thy father and mother when it is convenient.
- Thou shalt kill whenever necessary.
- Thou shalt commit adultery when it suits thy purposes.
- Thou shalt steal when it is justifiable.
- Thou shalt bear false witness when it serves “the greater good.”
- Thou shalt covet what others have ~ greed is good, ambition is paramount.
Now, the first thing we can observe about Our Executive’s agenda is that His directives are stated positively ~ none of this “thou shalt not” or “don’t do this, don’t do that” nonsense. While Our Competitor comes off as negative, restrictive, mean-spirited, and let’s face it, an absolute buzz-kill, Our Executive shows he is positive, supportive, enabling, and dynamic. His statements unequivocally resonate with energy and give us permission, dare I say license, to go out and do something, not just hang back out of fear we might do something “wrong” or “bad.”
Take for example, the Fourth Commandment, “Seize the day.” What could be more positive and empowering than that? All this talk of certain special, “holy,” days is disgusting. Why waste time and energy when one could be out making money, getting useful work done, advancing his career, and getting others to do work for him? The very idea of a day of “rest” and “reflection” makes me want to vomit. We must do all we can to advise our clients that “time flies” and “time and tide wait for no one,” and to “strike while the iron is hot.” The more busy and harried our clients become, the easier our jobs get, and the more contracts we will “seize” for Our Executive.
Our grand mission is to make life on Earth be as it is in Hell ~ no rest, no spare time, and no contemplation ~ unless we mean our clients contemplating their eternal fate! We aspire to nothing less than the endless dynamic activity of Hell on Earth. The bonus is with no time to slow down and take a breath; our clients will also have no time to think about Our Competitor. And, when Our Competitor isn’t on their minds they can be tempted to all sorts of behaviors that can bring them straight to the gates of Hell. Over-active, over-committed, frantic lives are but one step away from Our Executive’s world. If we keep their lives hectic enough, they will hardly notice the transition from Earth to Hell.
Another glance at The X Commandments will show, besides being overwhelmingly positive, they also glorify the self. We must do all we can to convince our clients “the self is all that matters.” This idea is founded in the philosophy of solipsism, which as we know is pretty much bullshit, but as such it’s very useful to our side.
Notice how the First Commandment is to “trust only thyself.” Now, this is very close to what one of the human poets wrote, “To thine own self be true.” We can make much of this connection. While “be true to yourself” means not giving up your ideals or identity, it is but a short trip to not trusting anyone except yourself about anything. What a disruptive thought! Not even Our Executive is to be trusted ~ and He admits it! How freeing! How empowering! With this basic idea as a premise, all kinds of commandments follow quite naturally ~ do things when they are convenient, when you can justify them, when they suit your purposes, when you have the time, or when they serve “the greater good,” whatever in Hell that means.
Oh, Raventrap, we have captured untold millions of contracts who claimed to be serving “the greater good.” You see, at the moment one makes this claim, all other claims, indeed all objections fade to insignificance. Then the act, no matter how uninformed, illogical, malicious, or even monstrous, is considered justified, and it might be years, or even centuries, until someone admits it was cruel or wrong. There are even more delectable treats in store when we can get an entire religion to hate, torture, and kill those who disagree with it in the name of “the greater good,” or if we are very skillful, in the name of Our Competitor. This is the fulfillment of the Third Commandment.
One more thing, Raventrap: It’s very important to keep your clients from noticing they are serving someone or something other than Our Competitor. Let them believe they are still his followers even if they are spending all their time and money on sports or entertainment, for example. It’s relatively harmless to be a fan of a sports team or musical band, even though we can’t stand innocent fun here below, and don’t get me started on music ~ my ears are starting to grow shut at the very thought of it.
However, when the teams or the bands start to occupy all of your client’s time and devotion, he may well forget these are not to become his reason for living. Our Competitor is selfish that way ~ he expects humans to devote time to His causes ~ feeding the hungry, healing the sick, clothing the poor, and other distasteful activities. So, try not to let your clients think for one minute that some of the time and money they are spending on sports or other entertainment really should be spent doing the work of Our Competitor. If you let this happen, you will have broken the Second Commandment, and more importantly, you’ll lose your client’s contract.
Your Devoted Cousin,
Bloodstone
MurrayWorks 