from: Bloodstone43956@i-mail.irs
to: Raventrap39996@i-mail.irs
date: 7518.13446
My Dear Raventrap ~
I’m sending this follow-up I-mail to add a few more examples of everyday selfishness to what I mentioned last time. It seems with each passing year humans, with our help of course, have managed to add more distractions to their lives. Many of these involve technology. You may not remember when some of us thought the telegraph and the radio were about as far as they could go. But, thanks to our researchers, motion pictures, television, the internet, and mobile phones have been implemented. These technologies have proven to be invaluable to the state of temptation. Not only have they increased the pace of life to the point where humans no longer have time for reflection, not to mention Our Competitor ~ I’d prefer not to mention Him ~ but these technologies have also multiplied our opportunities to tempt them to selfishness and vanity. Smart phones alone ~ so named because in time they will no doubt prove to be one of our smartest inventions ~ have already caused more distraction, disrespect, and disruption than many other inventions combined. Of course there is the exception of the internet, or world-wide web, a subject I’ll pursue in due course.
Smart phones are a boon for tempters. They are immensely powerful, hand-held devices that grant access to all sorts of information, but more importantly for us, mindless entertainment. While they offer the potential for our clients to live well-informed, well-connected lives, our job is to see to it they do nothing of the sort. As we know, any invention carries with it the potential for good as well as evil. We need to focus on the latter. Even if the smart phone could be used to help humans become more enlightened, thoughtful, and respectful, when we turn it towards making our clients more uninformed, thoughtless, disrespectful, and therefore more isolated, we thereby tap into its unlimited potential. But, if we let our clients use smart phones for purposes other than our own, or let them realize they should be used with civility and restraint, as Our Competitor might want, the invention will become useless to us. If we can manage to endorse entertainment rather than knowledge, and use of smart phone “apps” instead of face-to-face conversation, the battle is half won.
You see, Raventrap, the smart phone is like a medieval talisman, a human possession once thought to be of great value. But, here again we can use our wiles to help our clients confuse value with cost. As soon as they are hoodwinked into spending hundreds of dollars on the latest smart phone, they are but one step away from thinking the thing is of such value they can never be without it. And if they are never without it, the temptation to use it continuously will be great. Like talismans of old, it is gleaming and enthralling, and its colorful, two-dimensional screen is like an icon ~ meant to be adored, if not worshipped. Our clients already have a hard time putting these infernal things away. It’s up to us to see to it that they use them instead of bothering to talk to others, that they grow dependent on them, so much so that they can’t get through a single day, indeed a single hour, without them. The distraction value of smart phones is incalculable. Above all, we should never let our clients get the idea their use should be kept in perspective. If we allow this thought, the longest battery life and the highest screen resolution in the world will not help us.
So, let your clients believe all calls and messages are important, that they all must be handled immediately. Embolden employers to expect all their employees to remain “connected” at all times. This expectation has done a lot to help us break down family ties and get a lot of our clients to think of each other as ~ what’s the word? ~ “Assholes” ~ a striking word, don’t you think? Besides the dubious value of entertainment available on these small screens ~ seriously, I’ve duped many of my clients to watch a major motion picture on a 3-inch screen! It’s a luscious bit of deception whenever our clients, with a little coaching, turn into mantis-like insects, with their heads down, locked into an amorous gaze with the images on their smart phones, while all around them far more important aspects of life are unfolding. The unselfconscious self-absorption of these moments makes Our Executive smile. The preoccupation with these things fairly screams, “I am all that matters in the universe! Nothing, indeed no one, is more important than me!” The road to Hell is paved with such thoughts.
Our mission is to promote the use of smart phones everywhere. We even have some humans working on a water-proof model they will be able to use in the shower! We must also persuade our clients there is no such thing as an inappropriate time to use a smart phone. With a little suggestion from us, our clients can learn to interrupt meal times, business meetings, classes, concerts, movies, and even job interviews. The whole trick is to convince them nobody else matters. The question of how their use of a smart phone at this time might affect others should be kept completely out of their minds.
The only thoughts we need to maintain are, “I have to take this call” or “I have to read my email” or “I have to answer this text message” or “I have to check out this video.” By doing this, we have doubly tempted them. First, to disregard basic civility and obligations to others, and more importantly, to think “have to” indicates anything but their own choice. Our Competitor understands full well that none of our clients “have to” do anything. In fact, he encourages the little vermin to make choices ~ He calls it “free will.” This concept is abhorrent to Our Executive. He insists choices such as these should be concealed or even obliterated. The more we can fool our clients into believing they had “no choice” in the matter, the closer to Hell they come. Our files are full of clients who claimed they had “no choice” or “had to,” never realizing there even was a choice and they simply chose poorly. Smart phones are but one arena in which to fight the war of choice, and I’d say we are winning this battle.
It’s a charming sight to see a young couple dining out while both are totally absorbed in whatever in Hell is happening on their smart phones. It’s equally gratifying to see a young man fail at a job interview because he checked his email or took a call. Oh, yes, a cell phone ringing during a concert is music to my ears! But above all, I can achieve ecstasy whenever I have a client whose last words were the text message, “LOL,” a moment before he drove his car into a telephone pole. The combination of self-absorption, distraction, and optimal exploitation of technology makes me delirious!
Your Devoted Cousin,
Bloodstone
MurrayWorks 