from: Bloodstone43956@i-mail.irs
to: Raventrap39996@i-mail.irs
date: 7518.15366
My Dear Raventrap ~
So, one of your clients discovered he was being “rude” while using his smart phone. You’ve learned you must counsel your clients to avoid speaking too loudly in a public place, just so they will continue to use their phone and assume no one can hear their side of the conversation. The woman who pointed out how “rude” it was to talk so loudly in a crowded bus needs to be advised to “mind her own damn business” next time. The fact that your client was slightly embarrassed by the situation shows you still have some work to do. No matter ~ “Live and learn,” as Our Executive says. Of course, He always follows up with, “until your contract is mine.”
I want to offer a few ideas about how to use your clients’ narcissism to your advantage. Fortunately for us, our Office of Narcissism Extension (ONE) has been able to provide the human advertising industry with a great many catchy slogans over the years. These are designed to capitalize on the narcissism rampant in a consumer-oriented society. Of course, these slogans sound innocent on the surface, the mere puffery of companies trying to sell their products. But, if we manage to make them pervasive, and use them to influence the personal philosophies of a great many clients, they are just as effective as any other means to take our clients’ attention away from Our Competitor and turn it towards what we want: mass consumption.
Buying things may be
pleasurable, but not half as enjoyable as enticing our clients to buy things for
the purpose of sheer self-indulgence or buying things only to never actually
use them. It’s even more delightful to bait-and-switch them into buying a trinket
ostensibly as a “gift” for another client, only to buy something they really wanted
for themselves, or to end up not giving the item as a gift after all! This deception
perverts Our Competitor’s idea of gift-giving, in which the gift is given with
an eye to what the other person might actually need or want. We can have none
of that!
Now, here are 20
slogans the ONE has produced over the past several years. Be sure to notice the
enchanting note of narcissism running through them. Some are enormously
appealing.
Go for the gold
Enjoy the ride
Life is short, drink it up
Grab for all the gusto
Go all out
It just feels right
You only live once
Have it your way
You can get it now
You asked for it, you got it
Taste the power
You’re due, you’re definitely due
Obey your thirst
Who could ask for more?
Protect what’s yours
You owe it to yourself
What are you waiting for?
Get the sensation
Stay thirsty my friends
Just
do it
The magnificent thing about these slogans is they can foster a sense that a client “deserves” everything he can manage to get, or is able to purchase using credit ~ even better for us! The more your clients assume what they happen to buy they also somehow deserve, regardless of how much these things cost, or whether the money might be better spent elsewhere, the closer they get to Hell. The same goes for income. You must ensure they equate what they happen to get with what they really deserve. This is the way it works here below, so why not on Earth as well? Of course, we know damned well Our Competitor wants humans to understand there is no such thing as “deserving” anything. He wants them to be thankful for all the gifts He has given them, not because they deserve them but because He made them before time began. How pedantic! How reactionary!
What we need to do is take the offensive, as we have done with advertising slogans. The more our clients believe they can “have it all” or at least have a right to “have it all,” the more these slogans will prey upon their minds. It’s only a short step from “have it your way” to “you are entitled to” this thing, whatever it may be. It doesn’t really matter. We are trying to build a sense of entitlement and amplify our clients’ need for instant gratification, not actually trying to sell a product! It could be as big as a house, a boat, or a car, or as small as a tube of whitening toothpaste or a cup of gourmet coffee. What in Hell does it matter to us what the thing is as long as the temptation to buy it can bring our clients closer to Our Executive?
Our clients can easily be tempted to buy a thing to improve their physical appearance, to become more attractive to others, especially to members of the opposite sex. The appeal to vanity is hard to overestimate. Some of our clients will go to great lengths to become more “sexy” or curry favor from other shallow-minded clients. We do well when we con them into buying things they don’t need to impress others that don’t really like them or even care about them. Many of our clients have spent a fortune on beauty products, hair replacement, weight loss, cosmetic surgery, and so on, hoping to improve their chances with the opposite sex. It’s relatively easy to use Our Competitor’s invention of sexuality against these little slime creatures. Best of all, no matter what they buy, they will be left with the nagging feeling that it isn’t enough, that others still look better, and therefore will be able to score more points with the opposite sex. Oh, what a pleasure it is to keep our clients from awarding their contracts to Our Competitor by being who they are and not trying to impress others with their looks, but rather to consign them to spend day after day looking in the mirror, wondering if they are the “fairest of all!”
At all costs, keep the slogans coming. Substitute these puerile fantasies for rational thought. Don’t let your clients think for a second Our Competitor made each of them a certain way, and they might be OK without the new car or the total makeover. And, on the flip side, remember beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, so cloud the judgment of that eye, and make the standards of beauty ever-changing and impossible to achieve. Like Tantalus of myth, keep beauty just out of your clients’ reach. This way, the desire will remain; while a lot of time, money, and effort will be spent needlessly, with no sense of accomplishment, and certainly no reward ~ until the miserable creature finds itself living in a Hell of its own making. Our clients can lose much when they strive to satisfy false gods. Their loss is our gain!
Your Devoted Cousin,
Bloodstone
MurrayWorks 