Memorials

“Who am I anyway? Am I my resumé?” – from “I Hope I Get It” (A Chorus Line) Hamlisch and Kleban, 1975.

There are many ways to “make your mark” on the world. And based on what I was taught, there are only a few good ways to do this. Think of the names we remember – conquerors, murderers, tyrants, traitors, pirates, swindlers – all manner of men (usually) that serve as examples to teach our children to do better. In short, these men were “users” of their fellow men, “takers” of resources and lives, and are rightfully remembered as such.

Some of us think about how we might be remembered. A few seem to be obsessed with making sure they will never be forgotten. Sadly, nearly all of us will likely become footnotes in the book of time. But that’s no reason to build monuments to ourselves. Pharaohs and Emperors tried this, only to have the monument be remembered more than the man.

We ought to see through the narcissism of today. After all, some great men were honored with monuments after they died, and others are remembered for the positive good they did while they were alive. Nevertheless, to quote Marc Antony in Julius Caesar, “The evil that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones.” We are all a mix of good and evil. Our leaders are no exception. Perhaps the best we can hope for on their part is a little introspection and some resulting humility.

I have done a lot of things I’m not proud of. One of my mentors used to say that we should never do anything that we would be ashamed to tell our grandmothers about. All I can say is that I would have a hard time explaining a few things to grandma. On the other hand, I believe most grandmothers are wise enough to understand that we all fall down sometimes. A Japanese proverb states, “Fall down seven times. Rise up eight.” And in the Bible, “For though a righteous man may fall seven times, he rises again; but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.” [Proverbs 24:16] I like to think I have met this expectation; however, I don’t think I deserve a triumphal arch or a grand ballroom for it.

Yes, I would like to be remembered. I tried to do some good in my family life and in my career. And I have written some of my thoughts in the hope that these will help others remember me after I’m gone. But I am not a “mover” or a “shaker.” I can’t fund a vanity project. I can’t afford a $100,000-a-plate dinner or a $1,000,000 political donation. I will be lucky to make it through retirement without a financial disaster. Some can convince others to build monuments for them while they are still alive. I would be grateful for a small memorial service after I die.

The bottom line. It’s up to posterity to decide whether we are worthy of a memorial or a monument in our honor. Hubris plus a narcissistic fixation on glorifying ourselves can cause us to seek recognition in the here-and-now. The message is clear: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor vermin destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” [Matthew 6:19-21] (NIV) The amount of time, effort, and money spent on seeking honors in this life would be better used to help others and in so doing improve our own souls. Then our memorials will be those we inspired to do a little good in the world.